When you join a club, the more you put into it the more you will get out.
The best way to get to know people is to get involved.
So having earned my living as a scribbler and as a test driver for many years, it seemed logical to start doing some writing for the club magazine.
In any car club there is one topic which is always of interest. The members’ cars. And in all my time in the Citroën Club I have yet to meet a proud owner is isn’t chuffed at the idea of having something written about his car in he club magazine.
Now there are two ways of going about this. You can write bland feel-good reports which end up sounding more like press releases from a public relations office. They may be very flattering to the owner but they are of little value. They tend insult the readers’ intelligence with banal platitudes.
Or you can get down to it and tell readers what the car is really like. This is only honest and sustainable way to go.
This does not mean that there is not room for a little tact. To tell a proud owner that his car has some fundamental flaws can be akin to telling him that his mistress is utterly delightful but her cold feel kept you awake half the night. A little discretion is not a bad thing.
In the end however, your first responsibility is to your readers.
When you approach a car for a test, it is vitally important that you put any preconceived ideas you may have right out of your mind. You have to ignore its reputation.
Your job is to tell it as it is - on the day.
So what does a test driver do?
Well, firstly, he is not a racing driver.
The racing driver’s job is to get the maximum performance out of a car and drive it to its limits
The test driver’s job is to assess the performance of the car in a wide range of conditions.
There is also a big difference between testing for a magazine or television show and testing for a car manufacturer, or as I did for many years, a tyre manufacturer.
The magazine readers want an overall impression of how the car performs, how pleasant it is to drive and ride in. They want to know how it compares with its market rivals, if it is it good value – in other words their job is to judge it from a consumer’s viewpoint.
The car or component maker has a very different set of requirements. He wants to measure specific aspects of the cars performance. For example when we were testing tyres with the engineers, we would spend days trying out, for example, tread compounds. They would be checked for wear, grip in the wet and dry, deterioration of behaviour etc.
Then we would test tread patterns, Then we would try various combinations of the two. And so it went on
On one occasion I recall we spent days trying out different types of wire used in the carcass of the tyres. The tyres were identical in every way except for the way the wire had been wound. The differences in behaviour were absolutely amazing.
The car or component maker wants to know what happens in specific circumstances. Now a lot of testing is conducted in strictly controlled conditions on test rigs this tells then a lot of what they want to know.
But in the end, someone has to drive the thing and find out if it really works in practice.
If you feel you would like to take up a career in testing, one thing you will be called upon to do it to jump into any car they give you and drive it properly right away. Testing is expensive. If the car or tyre maker has hired a circuit for a few days, it is costing them a lot of money in track rental, travel time, staff salaries, mechanic’s time etc and they want results. You may be called upon to get into anything from a 2CV to a Porsche Turbo and drive it as hey require in the wet or dry, snow or dirt.
This could lead to some interesting happenings. I shall never forget the day we wanted to test wet weather handling some base low price tyres for a Holden Commodore. The car we were going to use had a problem and the only one available in a hurry was a Victorian Police Spec Brock Commodore. That car's performance was so far beyond he capacity that it was almost uncontrollable. After a day of belting around Calder Raceway in pouring rain I have never been so relieved to get on a plane back to Sydney.
Likewise, you are expected to hand back the car intact when
it is all over. Mistakes do happen but is best not to make a habit of,
particularly as, with tyre testing we were mostly using cars loaned by
manufacturers. It does not take much to run up a $50,000 bill on a trashed
Mercedes.
The qualities which make a good racing driver do not necessarily make a good test driver. And vice versa.
The best racing drivers are often gifted naturals and this can get in the way of obtaining results from testing.
During my tyre testing days with Goodyear, I was very fortunate to work closely with two world champion Formula One drivers for almost eight years - Jack Brabham in Australia and Denny Hulme when we went to New Zealand.
Jack Brabham, who is a gifted engineer also, happens to be an incredibly sensitive test driver. His ability to pick the smallest variation in a tyre or a car was uncanny. That was why Goodyear gave him a tyre testing contract which largely financed his own Formula One car programme.
While this was very educational, it also made you very aware of the enormous gap that exists between drivers at this level and the rest of us.
Do you know what stood out most about their driving? It was
not their speed. It was their smoothness. No, matter how hard they were pushing,
he car never felt unbalanced or out of shape. It just flowed smoothly.
I recall an engineer from Bridgestone comparing two of their regular drivers, Peter Brock and Allan Moffat. In terms of ultimate speed, there was little to choose between them.
But, whereas Brock would get into a car and be up to speed in no time regardless of the setup, Moffat had to work at it.
If there was a problem with the setup, Brockie would just drive around it.
With Moffat you could pick the difference in his times right
away.
They got far more useful information out of Moffat. By the time he was up to Brock’s speed, he knew exactly what the car was doing and how it was behaving and could pass the information on to the engineers.
When conducting a test programme the driving is only the first stage.
The driver must be able to analyse how the car is behaving. This means providing useful information on steering, handling, braking as well as ride quality, the overall feel of the machine. Its control layout, visibility etc.
Sometimes it can very tedious. Like having to do comparisons on say six different shock absorber settings.
Then he has to evaluate it. Is it up to scratch? Does it measure up to its competition?
When all that has been settled, it has to be made into a report which is clear and to the point. That can be the hardest part of all. As many would-be writers have discovered, there are few lonelier places than sitting staring at a blank piece of paper in front of you waiting for inspiration.
On the other hand, being a tester does bring rewards. You get to drive a great variety of cars. If you are a petrol-head it can be a great life.
As a test driver, it is very seldom that you are particularly impressed by a car. They all have their faults and it is rare to find one that you would be prepared to put down your own money to buy.
One of the prime requirements is that you remain impartial when judging a car. You must keep things in perspective. And you must try and overcome your own prejudices. For example, I have a strong dislike of rear engines cars. I can never bring myself to trust a 911 Porsche – no matter how well they have been developed over the years.
You also learn that, as a rule, owners tend to be very unreliable sources of information.
They usually know their own car well enough, but they seldom know how it compares with its competition. It can be very revealing to test a car back to back against its rivals. Something most owners never get a chance to do.
For example. Most owners would feel their Xantia is a pretty good car. But how does it compare with a Peugeot 406, BMW 3-Series or Audi A4?
Or how good is an SM? Does it really measure up against a Ferrari Dino or Lamborghini Urraco?
Unfortunately, too many opinions are based on hearsay – or on what people want to believe.
When I joined the Citroën Club, my experience of Citroens was limited to riding as a passenger in Light 15 Tractions when I was a youngster back in South Africa. I recalled that they had a terrific reputation for ride and handling.
The first Citroën I ever drove was a GS I bought in 1993. The second was an SM which I tested for a magazine.
They made one helluva a contrast and my interest was aroused about a company which could produce such astonishingly different cars. No wonder Citroën owners are such an incredibly diverse bunch of characters.
I wrote an article comparing the CX and the SM for a car magazine, which had carried about a dozen off my stories. Unfortunately, as so often happens the magazine went broke and the story was never used. So, when I joined the Citroën Car club a few months later, I offered it to the editor of the NSW club magazine, the Chevrons.
This was the starting point for a regular series of tests of Citroens which is now nearing the fifty mark.
That in itself is remarkable. When I started I imagined that after about ten or twelve tests, we would be running out of cars.
Along the way we have tested just about every model Citroën brought to Australia since he end of World War Two with the exception of a few Ds and CXs.
In reality these tests are road impressions rather than full scale tests. They are not scientifically measured. We do not have the time or facilities to do that.
Our tests are conducted entirely on public roads. Race track are fine for measuring exact times, speeds through corners, braking distances, but they are all but useless for evaluating a road car. As a general rule a car which is good on a track will feel very out of place on the road. Likewise even the best road car, when pushed to its limits on a track feels quite diabolical
.
The two requirements have virtually nothing in common. Racetrack results tell you almost nothing about a road car.
Nor do rally results for that matter, When you realise that to bring a competitive championship car to the start of a major rally can cost you begin to get an idea of how specialised they are
But we do drive the cars extensively enough to give a pretty valid idea of what they are like.
I have been told that it takes weeks or even months to learn to drive a Citroën properly – especially a CX or a D.
Any professional test driver who had that problem would be out of a job in no time.
What this experience has given me is a perspective on how Citroens have evolved.
Until recently they have been cars of very individual character. They could only have been French.
The latest models are much more generic European cars because. Like all major manufacturers, Citroën has to be a European brand competing on the world market.
The great Italian designer, Nuccio Bertone whose company was responsible for the styling of AX, BX, ZX and XM, said that you can design a futuristic body for a Citroën but it would never do for a Peugeot. They appeal to very different buyers.
So, from a tester’s point of view, what have been the most significant developments in Citroën history?
Two stand out above all others. The first was the introduction of Traction Avant. This took Citroën out of the conservative mould and put it firmly at the radical end.
It also committed Citroën to advanced engineering. Without the Traction, there would never have been a D.
At a time when the state of the art decreed hard springs, whippy chassis, flexing bodies, mechanical brakes and side valve engines, Citroën completely changed the whole architecture of the motor.
True, all the basic ideas in the Traction had been tried before, but this car brought them al together in one cohesive design, which worked.
It set ride, handling, and braking standards, which kept in the forefront until the early 1950s
No wonder it made it into the top five of the car of the century.
The other development was the introduction of the steel belted radial ply tyre by Michelin –who, of course owned Citroën at the time.
The radial ply tyre made possible the revolution in roadholding, handling, steering precision, braking and general safety which ids now universal.
The D was the first production car to be designed around the steel belted radial.
Now, as you can imagine, when you have tested that many Citroens you are frequently asked which was the best –and if it does not agree the with an owner’s one views you are assured that you have got it all wrong.
Well, there is no one car, which stands out head and shoulders above the rest. So I’ll break it down a bit.
The best ride - well that can only go to one car –the CX Prestige long wheelbase limo.
The best steering –the BX 16Valve.
The best brakes –the Xantia Turbo or V6 – because they have better tyres than other Xantias
Best gearbox – Xantia CT Turbo
Best visibility – The D
Best build quality Xantia
No doubt even now there are those among you looking for rotten vegetables to throw.
So while you are taking aim I’ tell you which I think is greatest Citroën design of all.
This is a very personal matter but, if were to be offered a free choice of Citroën to take for a good quick run over the Snowy Mountain Highway, one of the greatest driving roads in the world, and the Alpine Way, I would choose the BX 16 Valve.
I pick this car because it has brilliant handling, superb brakes, a magnificent engine and gearbox; it rides well, is as roomy inside as a CX and is no bigger outside than a GS.
And, if you said I could have one other to keep it company in my garage, hen it would have to be an AX – because it is fantastic fun to drive, even if it roes have the weakest brakes I have encountered on a quick Citroën.
If I realise that I will probably ostracised for heresy for this choice. However, all I can say id that, after driving nearly fifty different Citroens to date it is a judgement based on experience.
Finally I would like to say that the whole road-testing programme would never have been possible without the generous co-operation and generosity of out club members who have made their treasured cars available.
To all of you who are here tonight may I say a very heartfelt thank you.
And to all of here at Jindabyne, we are in a district with some of the greatest driving roads in Australia right on our doorstep. May I urge you to get you Citroens out on the Alpine Way or the Snowy Mountains Highway and the roads around Tumbarumba, Adelong and Tumut and find out how good your cars really are.
Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you very much